It was a year ago today that I recieved a phone call saying my daughters father had died, he was 45. Nothing in my life could have prepared me to break that news to our then 16 year old daughter.
My daughter wrote the following tribute which she read last year at his funeral:
I can’t believe how hard it is to write this. I can’t think of anything right to say. If I let myself write without choosing my words carefully this letter would be an angry letter for leaving me here. Although I nod and agree with the people who tell me that you will always be with me I can’t help but feel selfish and want you here all the way.
I’m so very worried about going through life without you, you were my go-to man. If I ever felt bad or sad or had a problem I’d call you and within minutes you’d have my problem solved and you’d make me laugh again with your your cheesy jokes. Who will I go to now? No one will ever be as perfect as you were, and still are.
After I found out the news I was devastated, I thought oh, my god I have to call dad. As I made my way to the phone I realized that you were the one who was gone. I miss you so very much and I guess I took my days with you for granted. But I will never forget all those great memories we shared. Like the silly pirate game we would play on your water bed when I was Isabella’s age. We would pretend we were on the raging sea, I would jump to make the waves while you would pretend to raise the sails.Then there were the times when you and Jimmy both would take Matt, Kalli and I to Leaps and Bounds. You would chase us through the tunnels with us kids screaming bloody murder.
Every night I wasn’t with you I would call you just to say goodnight. We always ended the phone call the same way. We’d both count to three then hang up so no one was left on the phone by themselves. But almost every time between those three numbers we’d start up a whole new conversation. As I grew older I grew out of it. I never thought I would miss something so small so much, I will cherish those memories all of my life.
As my dear little sister, Isabella grows up I will tell her every little detail about you. I will tell her how much her daddy loved her and adored her, more than words could ever say. I’m so very lucky to have had all this time with you and yet so angry that I won’t have more. I worry about the big days ahead, like graduation which is so very close, then college, marriage and hopefully kids. I know I have all these people who are here with me, like my uncle Jimmy who said he would fill in and though that means the world to me they will never be you. And while I am with those people I will be wishing every second of that day it was you with me.
I miss you daddy so very much. And I love you around this world and back again. So for old time sake lets finish this like we always did – One, two, three – Goodbye Dad, I love you.