Imperfect Doesn’t Mean Inadequate

I was caught by an article titled “Why Men Crave Real (Not Perfect) Bodies,”my curiosity was piqued because it was written by a guy which I found unusual, so I wanted to see what direction he’d take the story. I even made the broad-brush assumption that after several failed romances that his story would end with resolved emotions and a double D blond bombshell with silicone cheeks and a collagen pout.  I initially intended to just skim over it and move on to the real reason I logged on to my computer but I was drawn into his story and his process of coming to understand his own conflicts with women who under go plastic surgery.

In one relationship he talks about a woman who never told him that she had a nose job and he found out when he saw old pictures of her. She had shared other very personal stories and he wondered why she never told him about her nose. He described it like it could have been an intimate discussion, one that she never trusted him to have. Who wouldn’t want to listen to a narrator who would reduce those circumstances to an opportunity to share something deeply personal. Suffice it to say, I finished reading all three pages of his story.

When I finished I thought about my 18 year old daughter who insists she wants plastic surgery some day. What makes me sad is that she’s really beautiful…but most of her friends are blond and tan, and her hair is the color of mocha and her skin is like porcelain. Her friends are thin and straight up and down and she is a perfect hour-glass. Women have been binding their bodies since the beginning of time to match her silhouette but she see’s no beauty.  I know moving through teen years it’s all about fitting in…not standing out. Beauty in her eyes is defined by commonalities and a belief that perfection is desirable.

Just over a year ago, her father died. When she talks about him and the memories she cherishes most, they don’t involve perfection they embrace his imperfection…those things that made him, him. Corny jokes… mispronounced words. I know that given her age that this is all normal but I’m posting this man’s story for her…and for anyone else who may think that imperfect is the same as inadequate.




Filed under Life

3 responses to “Imperfect Doesn’t Mean Inadequate

  1. amyecotarian

    I just read this article myself. As a woman who’s had three children of her own and was a gestational surrogate who carried twins for a friend I look in the mirror and see a body that shows many battle scars. I’m in good shape but stretchy, saggy, tired, you name it, I have it. I’ve often thought “would I do plastic surgery?”. When it comes right down to it I don’t want to loose those parts of me that remind me daily about my pregnancies and nursing my babies. I think those “flaws” are beautiful because of what the represent.

    I feel for your daughter. I felt the same way as a teenager. I wish I could have enjoyed myself for I was at that age. I wish our culture did a better job of showing young girls what beautiful really is. At what point did we start seeing beauty as conformity?

  2. woowooteacup

    When I was a teen, I thought my nose was perhaps the biggest one on the planet and I hated my hair for being too straight. Now that I’m an adult, I see how thin my nose is and realize I was mistaken back then. And my hair now has some natural curl, which I think is great. My daughter has a good and realistic image of her body, even though she sometimes gets frustrated with her straight hair, which, imo, is gorgeous.

    I know it can be hard to believe when close family members pay you a compliment. (“You’re related. You’re supposed to say things like that.”) If it helps your daughter any, Soloist, my daughter and I both think she’s adorable. Her dark hair and pale skin make her striking and dramatic, plus she has a cute nose and sparkling eyes. She has a great fashion sense and her figure highlights her glamour.

    The wonderful thing about beauty is that it can come in different forms. Is not a lily just as beautiful as a rose? We all need to celebrate our unique and inherent beauty, rather than comparing ourselves to each other.

  3. I love this honest and forthcoming entry. The writer makes himself vunerable instead of the women, who are obviously dealing with the same issues we all do. They have just chosen a different solution. At times lie this I’m grateful that my child is male, however, by the time he grows up (pumpkins only 3) it may be that men have taken to surgery just as much as women.

    I hate TONS of things about my body, but on a good day when my mind is in unison with my spirit and body, I think….. “wow I love me.”

    Come hell or high water that is the attitude I will promote to my kids and anyone elses that are within unfortunate earshot; The reason being is that I view plastic surgery in most cases the same as relocating to escape something about your life that only you have control over.

    Like the saying goes: “wherever you go there you are.”

    PS i don’t give a rat’s u know what about grammatical errors so excuse all of mine please:)

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