In the Neighborhood

I woke up at 3:30 A.M. to the sound of sirens and the shouts of firefighters in my yard. The fire was kittycorner from my house but I couldn’t tell if the back of the chuch was on fire or if it was the house next to the church that was burning. The nearest hydrant is in my yard, so the noise and the shouting I heard was firefighters uncapping the hydrant and running the hose down the street. The ambulance arrived but was just parked so everyone appeared to be safe.

We’ve lived here for just over a year and in that time I did have one neighbor come to my door, his exact words were, “will you jump me?” It was apparent that the double meaning wasn’t entirely lost on him. I resisted the temptation to say something smart-assy back fearing that any stab at humor would be construed as an invitation. Some women get away with that kind of thing better than others and I tend to be the later unless of course, I know them personally.

It reminds me of CNN last night, they showed footage of Geroge H. W. Bush giving a speech, he said that among a group of protesters the ugliest woman he had ever seen made her way to his limo window holding a sign saying, “stay out of my womb.” In Bush’s recap of the event he said, “no problem, lady!”

The reason this was funny was because Bill Clinton complained that he would have never gotten away with making that caliber of a joke and he was absolutely right. Some can get away with it and some can’t, in this case I’m with Bill.

For such a small town its seems strange that on warm days you see so few people outside, whereas we always are. If we’re not in the garden or the greenhouse, we’re using the back patio as outdoor living space. Other than the man wanting a jump I’ve only met one other neighbor, he was very friendly but spends to much time standing in front of his window watching me in the garden which I make peace with by imagining his wife slapping him upside the head.

The woman directly next to me is unfriendly to everyone including her son, husband and gawky-neighbor-man. She rakes leaves into my yard…like I don’t have enough of my own. I live right next to the heavily wooded riverbank which ensures that fall raking never ends.

I resisted the temptation to rake the leave  back into her yard and instead added them to my piles. I did however spend a considerable amount of time imagining myself  loading leaves on to a tarp and pulling them to the center of her freshly raked lawn in the middle of the night, only as many as she left me… okay maybe I imagined leaving her the Swiss Alps but I didn’t.

Note to self: Check on neighbors down the street and see if they need anything.


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