Hating on the Holiday’s

There is no part of the holiday season I hate more than being inundated by stupid television commercials.  At present the one I hate the most is a diamond commercial where a “hearing boy” gives his deaf girlfriend diamonds but first he shows her that he knows how to sign Merry Christmas.

Naturally she’s over come with silent excitement and enthusiasm over his split-second hand gestures; like he just spent a year learning to speak perfect Chinese.  Seriously, she’s hearing impaired not stupid… although her boyfriend might be since signing 2 words appears to be a difficult and complicated feat for him.

Let me just say…barf.

The one I hate the second most is yet another diamond commercial. Mom rocking baby in the middle of the night, Dad gets up in his t-shirt and gives her a diamond.  I imagine her saying, “Oh, honey I can’t wait to see what it looks like on my hand cleaning a dirty diaper!”

Seriously, she doesn’t want a diamond, she wants him to take the baby and say go get some sleep.

The third most hated Christmas commercial is the perfume commercial with a couple ice skating to I’ve Got You Babe. Naturally she can skate well and he keeps falling down, but he is sincerely trying to meet her in her world. It’s about as stupid and trite as that scene in New Moon where the writer wanted to depict a happy future for Bella and Edward by dressing them in white and showing them running through a meadow. It’s vampire fiction not a Julie Andrews film.

Once again, let me just say…barf.

Here’s a commercial I did like! Anyone whose raised a daughter over the last decade knows this commercial is pitch perfect. From the beat, to the dance to the gestures…its all girl.

And another that made my Holiday Like List:

The Spirit of Christmas during Lent

I like to bake right before the holiday’s. This year I invited family over on baking day, pulled out the ornaments and decorations and served cookies, hot cinnamon rolls and drinks as people came and went during the day .  It was loads of work but I enjoyed it so much that I’ll definitely do it again next year with a few changes.  I especially loved that so many people added ornaments to the tree and embellishments to the house and the cookies.

Unfortunately some of the cookies that came out of the oven broke and they lingered on the table undecorated until Rachel arrived. Rachel is my son Benjamin‘s housemate and girlfriend. As I pulled trays of cookies from the oven she visited with me and began mending the broken cookies, fusing their decapitated heads and disemboweled bodies with frosting. It was so Nightmare Before Christmas I was sorry I didn’t break more cookies in the process of baking finding them darkly entertaining and befitting to our holiday history.

For years we topped our tree with an angel. We were very poor the year I bought the angel tree topper, she was affordable but didn’t look very angelic…more evil and she never stood erect at the top of the tree, she leaned forward with her wings spread like she was hawking over us…leering.  Over time she became known among family members as our Archangel* and long after we could afford to replace her she maintained her place atop our Christmas tree fusing us together with memories of dark humor and harder times. Holiday cookies with stitches fit right in even if Rachel was too new to our family to fully realize it.

Throughout the holiday season the decorated cookies were stored in tins and eventually were pared down to a single plastic storage container where a single disemboweled cookie got stuck to the side of the container. I left him there because it made me laugh and even after the container was completely empty he went undisturbed out of fear he would break. On random occasions I’d talk to him and even ask his preferences as to the evenings dinner menu… he noted a marked preference for lamb.

Cookie is no longer stuck to the plastic container and has since taken up residences on my baker’s rack in the kitchen. Next Christmas I’ll bake a girl cookie named Ginger with Angelina Jolie’s lips, plastic surgery stitches and a bent for short, bald guys who smell like sweetened vanilla.

*In true biblical fashion the Archangel perished during a flood in 2004 …really.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day

Valentines Commericals

I’m such a crab today. My daughter is trying to make me laugh by drawing smiley faces on the bottoms of her feet… hmmm, seems more like something I’d do.

I’m sick of Valentines commericals… all I hear is “buy her this and you’ll get laid.”  Vermont Teddy Bears, Pajama Gram and Jared’s. Does everyone get the Jared’s commercials…”he bought Jared’s!” with a group of sighing, envious females.”  Thank you for that inconspicous branding,

Groundhogs Day: A Reason To Frighten Small Animals

Reprinted from My Way:

Ben Hughes, handler of the weather-predicting groundhog Punxsutawney Phil, holds Phil in the air after removing him from his stump at Gobbler’s Knob on Groundhog Day, Monday, Feb. 2, 2009, in Punxsutawney, Pa. The Groundhog Club said Phil saw his shadow and predicted six more weeks of winter. (AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Merry Christmas:)

Christmas was difficult last year because it was Alexa’s first Christmas since her father died.  This year promised to be easier but then her pet Chinchilla died last night…ccertainly didn’t need that. Nonetheless, we are looking forward to a very laid back celebration this year…no turkey and gravy and all that work  this year I’m baking a ham because it’s easier.  I even briefly considered using paper plates to avoid dishes but felt guilty leaving my beautiful Spode Christmas china unused for another year.

This year we will eat, drink, play Raving Rabbits on the Wii, open gifts and most of all we will be together…just waiting for Ben!

Happy Holiday’s, I hope its a good one!

Victoria’s Secret St. Cloud Sale

While shopping in St. Cloud, MN. yesterday my son stopped in at Victoria’s Secret to say hi to a college friend who worked there, shortly thereafter my daughter and I followed and introduced ourselves. As fate would have it Victoria’s Secret was having a bra sale, all bras were $29.99 so we shopped.

Like many women, I’m never quiet sure what size is the best fit for me, so when a sales person offered to measure I accepted. I’ve never done this before but it was good to have exact numbers. My daughter submitted to the same procedure and I was stunned to learn that the bra she was wearing was 3 sizes to small…when did that happen? She never said anything about needing new undergarments.

As a parent I tried to be somewhat conscious of this because I grew up in a house where everything I had was a hand-me-down…including bra’s. The only problem was my sister wore an A-cup and I wore a C-cup. In my mothers mind, I was younger therefore…smaller despite the lack of logic or reason to this assumption. I had no idea how a bra should fit until I began doing my own shopping. Clearly, it was time to update my daughters “sock drawer”.

I don’t know if all Victoria’s Secret stores are running the same sales but given the quality of their merchandise it is well worth a phone call to your area store to find out. Also, I highly recommend being measured, nothing is more worth the investment than the most comfortable, figure flattering undergarments.

If you don’t want to brave the mall so close to Christmas check out their online sale, not only does Victoria’s Secret have great undergarments but they also have drop-dead gorgeous shoes and killer coats.

Ship Your Old Shoes to the White House

I previously posted a YouTube video of Iraqi reporter Muntathar al Zaidi, 29, throwing his shoes at President Bush.

Someone on Twitter suggested we ship our old shoes to the White House. I didn’t know if he was kidding or not and I didn’t care. As a final act of protest I’m joining the Iraqi reporter and I’m shipping my old shoes to the White House.

Anyone interested in joining me can
ship their old shoes to:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW,
Washington, DC 20500

A second pair can also be shipped to:
Lame “Duck” President Bush
10141 Daria Pl
Dallas, TX 75229

Reportedly the Iraqi reporter shouted, “This is a kiss goodbye you dog.” My shoes will be shipped with an identical message.

In addition I’m asking folks to assist me in coming up with shoe jokes. Thus far I have:
Chooing the fat in Iraqi
Playing with the Keds
Bush grapples for New Balance
Mock a Sin
Bush foreign policy…Ugg!
Instead of making his way to the DMZ as scheduled, Bush instead arrived at DSW.
Bushwacked!
Shoe-in For Worst PresidentTonight Secret Service and the President of Iraq are sporting T-shirts that say “I’m Not George”, lest there be any confusion among journalist or the general population as to where their hostility should be directed….okay, I made that up but its an excellent suggestion.

 

Feel free to add your own in the comment section!

I’m Not George” T-shirt for Iraqi President and Secret Service …and anyone else…now available.

Thanksgiving Turkey, Scooter Libby Receives Presidential Pardon

In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume

Like There’s No Tomorrow

With the upcoming holiday seasaon I’ve decided to reprint this post from December 2007: 

Last Christmas my daughter traveled an hour and a half to spend Christmas with her father and his family. Shortly after she arrived at her grandmother’s house her father left to attend a Christmas party. My daughter was angry, she had arranged to spend time with him but he had not arranged to spend time with her. Two months later her father died, he was 45. The Christmas they spent…or didn’t spend together was the last one they’d ever have.

Every event since his death has been a milestone, her first Easter without her dad, her first birthday without her dad and her first Christmas. Of course I realize that her father would have planned differently had he known but I suppose that is the point, we simply don’t.

Live like there’s no tomorrow:)