The Last Day of School

Yesterday was Alexa’s last day of school. It was a bittersweet day that Alexa both looked forward to and dreaded.

When Alexa’s Dad died 2 years ago she wrote and read a tribute at his funeral, a good-bye letter if you will. In her letter she said that she feared the big days ahead, like graduation and someday getting married. She said that the milestones in her life would be marked by his absence.

Alexa made it clear to me that she would not walk in a graduation ceremony afraid she’d be reduced to tears and throughout her last year of high school I wondered if she’d graduate at all. She struggled with chronic illness related immune deficiency and she grieved over lost health and a lost father. Her grades fell.

Her greif counselor told me not to push her and sometimes I didn’t, and sometimes I did. I knew if Alexa didn’t graduate that she was still an able, capable girl, even more important Alexa knows she’s an able capable girl. But I was afraid if she gave up on graduation that it would give her more of a reason to give up on life. Alexa and I discussed our terms, she agreed to follow through with earning the credit needed to graduate and only said, “just stay with me,” and so I did.

Finishing class yesterday reminded her that she couldn’t call her Dad to say, ” I did it Dad,” but she imagined what he might  have said and how proud of her he would have been.

After her online classes ended at noon we loaded into the car and left for the suburbs of Minneapolis. Nick had a new car to pick up and Alexa and I made plans to visit Cookie Strange at Great Clips in Champlin.

Cookie is one of my closest friends, daughter. I’ve known Cookie ever since she was born and her Mother named her Emily…which she later changed to Cookie. Cookie works magic on hair and I will follow her to the end of the earth because she makes my hair fabulous.

The last time I got my haircut I had it done locally, it is viewable in all of my online photos. The cut was alright but it wasn’t the kind of cut that you could blow dry and go and it didn’t fare well on windy days in the garden. I need hair that you can seriously mess up and I prefer an modern edge because age appropriate just sucks,  as always Cookie delivered.

When Alexa and I finished getting our hair cut we went to Totally Tan. As Alexa’s health has worsened her skin color has become very light but her hair is dark. During the summer she frequently hides in jeans feeling like her legs glow white. She also burns easily so I agreed to take her to a place that offers a full body spray tan.

After I paid for Alexa’s tan, Alexa looked at me and said…”Aren’t you going to go?” I hesitated, I have  to attend a birthday party and a wedding today…but thought I could use some color. After asking a pile of questions I decided to try it. The experience was absolutely dreadful, it so cold it almost took my breath away and I forgot to use the shower cap so I stepped out once again feeling like Bridget Jones.

On the drive home Alexa and I talked about her Dad, upcoming graduation parties, what to wear to the wedding and we started to turn a warm brown …maybe not so bad. By this morning I staggered to the kitchen for coffee on gingerbread colored legs and thought; definitely not bad.

It’s Never Good

Image by mike912mueller via Flickr

I hate it when I fall asleep with the TV on, I always end up waking up at the crack of dawn to news that irritates me to the point that I can’t go back to sleep. Who knows maybe it isn’t the news maybe I’m just that crabby at 4 A.M., it is possible. Nonetheless, I fell asleep to Anderson Cooper and woke up to the CNN guy who broadcasts before the CNN girl, Jane whatever-the rest-of -her-name-is.

I don’t feel compelled to give either  middle of the night CNN anchor a full name because they keep calling Nadya Suleman “Octo-Mom”.  I’m not condoning Nadya’s decision making,  defending her competence or that of her doctor but calling her “Octo-Mom” is a deliberately dehumanizing gesture on the part of the media and it only serves to feed into the public hate-frenzy surrounding her as did both programs.

At the crack of dawn  Broadcast-Jane’s CNN program showed a clip of Nadya Suleman arguing with her mother. The first time the clip was played long enough for viewer to hear Suleman tell her mother that she needed to “let go”  as the clip played on Suleman completed her thoughts by connecting that statement to her decision to have all 8 babies. Essentially what Suleman was telling her mother was that the babies are already here and that she can’t change what’s already happened and Suleman was asking her mother to let go of an issue that could no longer be changed.

Call me crazy but I thought that it was an entirely rational response, Suleman can’t go back and make a different decision. Whether her parents or the public agree or disagree the babies are indeed here and continuing to berate her for her decision making won’t change history and certainly won’t improve anyone’s situation.

But what CNN’s Broadcast-Jane did after that was to only play the clip long enough to hear Suleman tell her mother that she needed to “let go”, without giving the statement any context and making it appear as though Suleman was telling her mother to let go of her grandchildren all together. Naturally Broadcast-Jane’s professional guest panel ripped the statement apart having taken her statement completely out of context.

Later Broadcast-Jane’s program showed a clip of Suleman kissing the cheeks of one the older twins while she held him drinking his bottle. One of  members of Broadcast-Jane’s expert panel called the  Suleman cheek kissing “inappropriate.”  Seriously? I witness what I would deem inappropriate every time I go shopping, an overdose of chubby cheek kissing and raspberry belly-blows would be a very welcomed change!

My question is this, how would the media have depicted her if she would have just sat there? Disconnected, unresponsive…I think we all know that no matter how Suleman responded no one was going to depict her in a fair light, let alone a favorable light. None of the experts seemed to note  the body language of the baby she was holding. It certainly wasn’t the first time that child had been held and rocked while he drank his bottle. He relaxed into her like the position was familiar, he made eye contact with her and he looked healthy, well, relaxed and happy, all of her kids did.

If Sulemon belongs under a microscope then so does every low income or slightly dysfunctional person in the country. We condone the Duggers issuing a new baby every year and their up to baby 18, seriously how much does Mr. Dugger earn without television and advertising?  How much of their family’s help with younger children comes from older sibling? What about the John Gosselin from John and Kate Plus Eight…when they decided to give birth to all 6 babies did they know how they were going to afford to care for all of them?  Didn’t they take incredible risks to the childrens health by not reducing the number? When their babies were born did they have a big enough house for 6 cribs? How many embryos were implanted in Kate to make 6 babies and who paid for her postpartum plastic surgery?

I’m sorry Broadcast-Jane but if kissing the chubby cheeks of babies is “inappropriate” then I’m perpetually out of line and my friend Mary Strohmayer. who is a mother of 5,  is a criminal! She comes from a family of 5 rambunctious brothers, has 5 children of her own, is dying to be a grandmother and has nieces and nephews stacked to the ceiling, I know for a fact that she also shamelessly kisses chubby cheeks because I’ve witnessed it more at her house than in any other home I’ve ever been in.

The bottom line is, whether we agree or disagree the babies are here and we all need to let go and move on. If you object to what happened write to your Congressman and have a bill drafted that establishes stricter guidelines for fertility clinics. But to call Suleman’s baby kissing inappropriate and in the same breath ignore the conduct of the scores of people camped out and following Suleman to shouting obscenities and scream about tax payer dollars. What kind of experts are these to object to cheek kissing and over look cruel malicious behavior? What kind of a a hate filled society do we live in and why are we so willing to rip the weak to shreds.

What makes it all even more perplexing  is the fact that a massive group of completely rational, financially secure   Wall Street bankers just ripped American tax payers off for billions. I don’t understand why tax concerned hate-mongers aren’t shouting at them from Wall Street, screaming for the return of unearned bonus money and their resignations! Frankly I think they are by far more deserving of our public outrage. Watching Bernie Madoff  smirking at the media as he makes his way to his penthouse lights my fuse in a way that Suleman’s food stamp mony never will. Isn’t the money going straight back intot he economy because its ALL getting spent on food at her neighborhood grocery store? And the billions given to banks…well part of our economic issue stems from the fact that they’re not loaning out the money so it isn’t helping the economy.

Again, I’m not saying I agree or condone but I think all perspective has been seriously lost, and I think in a number of ways Sulemoan is being demonized by the media as seen on Jane Velez Mitchell’s program.  Suleman may be dysfunctional and misguided but you’ll find that among any group of parents, she isn’t hurtful, she isn’t malicious and her children are at ease and well.

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Ex-Knife Set

I saw this featured on Amazon, it’s an Ex- Knife set.  While I genuinely understand and appreciate the sentiment I couldn’t help but wonder how my children have felt if I owned something like this?

It reminds me of that genius idea to collect unpaid child support by publishing the names of dead-beat dad’s in the newspaper. I was so glad that the idea died quickly and quietly because I couldn’t help but wonder how such an action would effect the children involved. I couldn’t imagine the horror of going to school and hearing about the very public humiliation of a parent from some kid who lives on the next block.

Merry Christmas:)

Christmas was difficult last year because it was Alexa’s first Christmas since her father died.  This year promised to be easier but then her pet Chinchilla died last night…ccertainly didn’t need that. Nonetheless, we are looking forward to a very laid back celebration this year…no turkey and gravy and all that work  this year I’m baking a ham because it’s easier.  I even briefly considered using paper plates to avoid dishes but felt guilty leaving my beautiful Spode Christmas china unused for another year.

This year we will eat, drink, play Raving Rabbits on the Wii, open gifts and most of all we will be together…just waiting for Ben!

Happy Holiday’s, I hope its a good one!

Like There’s No Tomorrow

With the upcoming holiday seasaon I’ve decided to reprint this post from December 2007: 

Last Christmas my daughter traveled an hour and a half to spend Christmas with her father and his family. Shortly after she arrived at her grandmother’s house her father left to attend a Christmas party. My daughter was angry, she had arranged to spend time with him but he had not arranged to spend time with her. Two months later her father died, he was 45. The Christmas they spent…or didn’t spend together was the last one they’d ever have.

Every event since his death has been a milestone, her first Easter without her dad, her first birthday without her dad and her first Christmas. Of course I realize that her father would have planned differently had he known but I suppose that is the point, we simply don’t.

Live like there’s no tomorrow:)

What Will the Brit’s Say

The day after George W. Bush was elected to office 8 years ago my cousin Elaine, who is British, called from her home near Warwick England.  Under normal circumstances, she typically moves through a very proper line of questioning as is considered polite, how are the children-type questions before launching into the items she had really hoped to discuss. Except on this occasion she broke format and the very first words that came from her mouth were, “Good God, Jody…The Americana’s have elected a President who can’t form a complete sentence!” In order to fully appreciate her delivery you have to imagine a very clipped British accent pronouncing Jody, heavy on on Jo while leaning hard on the oh sound. It’s been a phrase I’ve repeated time and time again over the past 8 years…I expect she will call again post-election only this time with a very different message:)

Halloween Pictures

Okay so Nick looks a bit strained..but he’s at least in the photo

Lu keeping the house a buzz on Halloween

Lu with wings and a cell phone

Being A Mom

The Bunny in the Backyard

It was a quiet Easter, just the kids and I. I woke up at about 4 a.m. so by the time my son arrived everything was in the oven and I was ready for a nap but in no position to take one. My boys went outside and built a snowbunny instead of a snowman in recognition of the holiday since they are both in their early twenties I was hesitant to peek in the backyard to see what kind of snowbunny they meant and was pleased to find one with large ears. Afterwards we dined on a double glazed spiral ham, cheesy hash browns and strawberry angel food cake.

After my youngest son left for home I headed to my treadmill and put on 2 miles feeling haunted by the bag of jelly beans with the word Jelly Belly splashed across it, I hoped the miles would create a satisfactory distance between me and the words on the bag, then I dozed off for about a half hour. I woke to my oldest son finishing the dishes and I was grateful.

While our get together’ are slightly more festive, we were all a bit tired this year and everyone was glad to have a really low key afternoon to just relax.

I hope your Easter was just what you wanted.

Christmas Memories

Last Christmas my daughter traveled and hour and a half to spend Christmas with her father and his family. Shortly after she arrived at her grandmother’s house her father and his wife left to attend a Christmas party and my daughter was angry. She arranged to spend time with him but he didn’t arrange to spend time with her. Two months later her father died, he was 45 and the Christmas they spent…or didn’t spend was the last one they had.

Every event since his death has been a milestone, her first Easter without her dad, her first birthday and now her first Christmas. Of course I realize that her father would have planned differently had he known, but I suppose that is maybe my point, we just don’t.

Remember the things that matter the most,

Soloist