Caving to the Cool

I try to hold off on cooling the house as long as possible to save energy and money. We have 3 ceiling fans throughout the house, lots of trees and windows but today was so unpleasant that I caved in and kicked on the cool air.

Temperatures in Minnesota today were humid and sweltering hot cresting in the ninety degree range. After a stuffy sleepless night, an impeding exercise routine and watching the cat liquefying to a spot on the carpet, I caved in.

Tonight I’m looking forward to a restful night sleep.

Wii Active ae

More on this later:) Did I say I like boxing?

All Things Heinous…

I’m not sure how I came across this blog but it made me laugh so I thought I’d share the site and links to my favorite pictures.

All Things Heinous, trashy and Hilarious

Funny pictures

Bride vs. Ostrich:

So glad I wasn’t a guest…who wouldn’t laugh! Are you kidding me?

Knit wedding…well, I don’t know.

Double wedding?

Off to a good start

Blood & Chocolate

Blood & Chocolate by Mark Zero

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
Eloquently written, evocative and haunting, a brilliant first.

View all my reviews.

Today in the Garden

Nick and I gardened today with the Porch Cat. Porch Cat has taken to joining me in the garden and for reasons I can’t explain he likes rolling in the dirt next to me. Perhaps it’s escaped his notice that his coat is half white.

Anyway, my son teased me for wearing garden gloves and garden shoes saying, “I love living closer to the earth…I just don’t want to touch it.” I may have pelted him with a rock, I just can’t remember:)

Pushing a Turtle

Image via Wikipedia

Today I drove around a corner near my Mother’s house, which is on the Mississippi River, and slammed on my brakes. There was an enormous turtle sunning in the middle of the road and I stared at it from the top of my steering wheel hoping it would get busy and cross the street. He didn’t, so I got out of my car, leaving it in the middle of the narrow road to stop anyone coming around the corner from hitting me or the turtle.

First I tried shuffling my feet behind him hoping to spook him into running for the ditch. Apparently, he noticed the size of my shoes. Instead of running he turned towards my feet confident that his 2 foot mass trumped my size 5 sandal. He hissed and I think he even growled, a noise that would have made my dog run sideways away from him. Not that that is saying much since Jack has been known to runs sideways when the kids burp but you get the idea. We keep telling him to tell himself that he’s a big brave dog…whatever.

I briefly considered wishing the very large turtle  the best of luck and leaving, but he was so extraordinarily large that abandoning him, regardless of how disagreeable I found him, would never be right. In light of the green swamp slim covering his back, the 2 inch claws on all 4 of his limbs and my neatly pressed white blouse, carrying him seemed unsafe, unsanitary and was otherwise out of the question since I was afraid of him. I kept telling myself, I’m a big brave dog but it didn’t work for me either.

I shuffled my feet a few more times and he continued to come after me, he didn’t appear to have teeth but I wasn’t willing to do any further investigation into that theory. After that I tried to taunt him into chasing my sandals to the side of the road but he remained unmoved. When that strategy also failed I went back to the car and inspected its contents as I considered my options. I grabbed a cardboard shipping flat, hooked the edge over the turtles shell and I scooted him to the shoulder of the road.  At that point he began walking in the direction I was moving him,  like an old man who just remembered where he intended to go right before he  forgot. Minutes later the turtle was making his way down the weedy ditch and I was making my way home.

My Sister’s Keeper, June 26, 2009

Not everyone loved this book, but I did. I was excite when I heard it was going to be made into a movie but when I first saw the trailer in the theater it hit a nerve that the book never did. The Father says, “having a sick child is a full time job,” and I felt sliced open.

Alexa has been sick 13 years. A good week is when she’s well 3 or 4 days, I’m always afraid of the unknown and sometimes we take vacations from doctors.

Hope is a funny thing, You don’t notice that you don’t have it until you find it.

Oberstar Tweets

Several weeks ago, after reading a legislative update from Minnesota Congressman Jim Oberstar, I emailed him and suggested that he consider tweeting some of his updates on Twitter. Today I received the following reply:

Ms. Jody Scott-Olson

Royalton, Minnesota 56373-0184

Dear Ms. Scott-Olson:

Knowing of your interest in a Twitter account for me where you can be updated on current legislation and other relevant issues, I am pleased to report that you can now follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/JimOberstar.

With best wishes.

Sincerely,

James L. Oberstar, M.C.

Openzine May, 2009

I’m Not Martha – May 2009

Create Your OpenZine

What Goes Around…

The following is a Viewpoint letter which I submitted to the Morrison County Record in response to an article published by Matt Perkins.

When I read Matt Perkins news story, “Having a Government Door Slammed in My Face,” I laughed at the irony.

Matt Perkins was the reporter I spoke with after Morrison County United Way executive committee offered me almost $5,000.00 to resign last August. I contacted the Morrison County Record because Morrison County United Way is funded by community dollars therefore the organization is owned by the community it serves.

During my conversation with Matt, I explained that my resignation was requested one day before I was to obtain accounting records on the Emergency Food and Shelter Program, a program where issues of accounting were in question. I also told Matt that Morrison County United Way’s auditor admitted during their August 2008 board meeting to deliberately leaving material weaknesses off the previous years audit out of concern for the former director and the organizations reputation. He also admitted to having “softened the language,” on the newly completed audit, issues since reviewed by the Minnesota Attorney General’s office.

Among the United Way board members in attendance during that August 2008 board meeting was then Morrison County Treasurer, now County Administrator, Deb Gruber, along with Director of Social Services, then Interim County Administrator Steve Reger. Also on the United Way Board but not in attendance that day was Commissioner Duane Johnson.

Even though the admission was made during a public meeting, which meant that the admission should have appeared in the August 2008 minutes, Morrison County United Way refused to give copies of those minutes to not only me but to Record reporter Matt Perkins. Despite Matt telling me this over the phone, Matt never mentioned that detail in his story. In fact Matt Perkins never mentioned accounting at all, or that he tried to talk to the auditor, Matt only said that I called myself a “whistle blower,” but never gave any context to the term.

The complete and total disregard regard for proper, legal and ethical procedures was at core of my debate with the Morrison County United Way board of directors and Matt Perkins was instrumental is protecting them …just as their auditor had.

At no time since then has former Morrison County Treasurer/ County Administrator Deb Grub come clean with what took place during that public meeting, if fact she voted to approve the audit even though the auditor’s admission clearly suggested his work was anything but an “independent audit”. The same can be said for former acting Morrison County Administrator and United Way secretary, Steve Reger and what about United Way board member & County Commissioner Duane Johnson, did he get copies of the concealed minutes?

Last month the Minnesota Department of Economic Security determined that my separation from Morrison County United Way was through “no fault” of my own after the United Way failed to provide anything indicating that I had ever done anything except uphold my responsibilities as executive director of Morrison County United Way.

After reading Matt Perkins rant, my question to him is: what part of commissions conduct surprises you?

I Forgot that Sunflower’s Die

The sunflowers were in bloom today, the ones my daughter and I planted as a memorial to her dad. One flower bloomed weeks before the others, then it slumped over and hung its head. My heart hurt. As I walked to the house I wondered how I would face the remaining 50. I wondered if my garden would look like the people who stood in rows at his funeral. I forgot that sunflowers hang their heads when their season has ended. I forgot that sunflowers die.

The Death of Stemware: Giving Saloon Nukie a Whole New Meaning

The New York Times Diners Journal reported on a new restaurant opening tomorrow called La Cave des Fondus. La Cave des Fondus is an American replication of the French restaurant Montmartre restaurant Le Refuge des Fondus an establishment where customers are served red and white wine in plastic baby bottles.

The Manhattan restaurant is owned by Jacques Ouari who told the New York Times, “I wanted to set up my place exactly like the one in Paris. It’s such a fun place. Everybody loves drinking beer and wine from baby bottles – even my father thought it was fun – and I think New Yorkers will like it too. I checked with the health department and as long as we put the bottles in the dishwasher they have no problem with it.”

Waitresses working for Hooters will without question feel the most pressure in light of the new trend, fearing the infantile digression will expand to increase the demand for breastfeeding. The Le Leche League has yet to comment on the increased use of plastic baby bottles but insiders expect that the group will issue a press release in the days to come capitalizing on the opportunity to reaffirm the health benefits of breast feeding.

While not yet known, a growing number of diners believe the type of nipple used by La Cave des Fondus will be a determining factor as to the ultimate success or failure of the new establishment. The Nuk, or as it is more commonly referred Nukie, is considered by many to be the best compliment to any alcoholic beverage.

***It should be noted that the Parisians establishment serves wine in baby bottles to avoid the French tax on wine served in glasses. While Parisians most likely appreciate this little tax dodge and go along with the slap-in-the-face humor, the activity may not hold the same charm with New Yorkers since the baby bottle will incur the same tax as an elegant piece of stemware.

Today I Want…

Today I want winter to end and menopause to begin. I want to take a long walk in warm weather. I want to read a book on the back patio while sipping wine and roasting Red Crab on the grill. I want Amish Snap Peas from my garden, I want the house to fill with the garlicky smell of Roma tomatoes roasting. I want the windows open, I want my sheets to dry on an outdoor clothesline. I want to fill a basket with fresh organic asparagus then fold it into a bed of Parmesan Fettuccine. Today I want my bare feet to feel the earth.

CNN’s Best Byte of the Night

“The Republicans set the House on fire and now they’re blocking the fire trucks.”

— Paul Begala

Addition-  My thoughts: The Republican “No Chorus” better seriously consider their position and options or face a losing battle next election.

Free Annette Yeomans, Jail Bernie Madoff

Bernie Madoff isn’t in jail but Annette Yeomans is? Yeomans is the bookkeeper who embezzled millions and purchased over 400 pairs of shoes.  If Bernie Madoff’s crimes aren’t serious enough to warrant tossing him in jail, surely any civilized person with an appetite for shoes could understand Yeomans weakness.

I mean lets be honest,  it’s not like any of us went to see Sex and the City to witness Carrie Bradshaw and Big’s wedding. We went for the clothes, we went for the shoes, we went to see a fictitious and mythical man give a woman a really BIG closet.

When I first heard of Yeomans crime and the 400 pairs of shoes my heart  skipped a beat just thinking about a room fill with that many shoes! All the different styles and designers she could slide her feet into, I sighed. There are things that I can live without but there are  also things that just shouldn’t be missed.

To hell with ballet flats and kitten heels… give me legs that go on forever!

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Minnesota Spring

Alexa has been sick. As she makes her slow recovery I’ve taken her on car rides to no where in particular, just to get her out of the house for a short time. I love our drives, I love the rural landscape all around me. I especially love this time of year because after so many months of seeing nothing but blankets of white, the gold and green patchwork farmland that spills to meet the cerulean blue sky takes my breath away.

As I was driving I wanted to describe the view to someone I’ve been exchanging letters with and this is what I wrote:  To Mark in AZ.

Round, tractor tire-sized bales of flaxen hay dot the landscape as periwinkle sheets of rain daub the western horizon.

On swizzle stick legs baby calves lean into the misty April breeze.

One calf is the color of oatmeal and I name him Norman.

He stands still as a Bonnie Mohr painting.

His eyes are black like buttons floating on soft peaks of whipped cream.

With his jaw high he faces spring as the wind smooths his downy fur from his eyes.

A nearby tractor awakens the earth as the Midwest wind twirls her,  sleepy and unexpectant.

Dusty plumes roll and scatter as her dark rich scent whispers her fertility to the wind.

Naked trees watch shivering impotently.

A gust blows and Norman’s mother calls.

On new legs Norman runs.

Blue sky, red barn and the gentle color of Norman; my American landscape.

More People Died From the Swine Flu Vaccine than Swine Flu

Image by johnmuk via Flickr

I’ve followed the opinions of Dr. Mercola for over a decade,  he does a good job of separating industry driven hype from consumer-centric need-to-know facts. Since I found the information helpful I’m passing the link on to you.

Critical Alert: The Swine Flu Pandemic – Fact or Fiction?

American health officials declared a public health emergency as cases of swine flu were confirmed in the U.S. Health officials across the world fear this could be the leading edge of a global pandemic emerging from Mexico, where seven people are confirmed dead as a result of the new virus.

On Wednesday April 29th, the World Health Organization (WHO) raised its pandemic alert level to five on its six-level threat scale,¹ which means they’ve determined that the virus is capable of human-to-human transmission. The initial outbreaks across North America reveal an infection already traveling at higher velocity than did the last official pandemic strain, the 1968 Hong Kong flu.

Phase 5 had never been declared since the warning system was introduced in 2005 in response to the avian influenza crisis. Phase 6 means a pandemic is under way.

Several nations have imposed travel bans, or made plans to quarantine air travelers² that present symptoms of the swine flu despite the fact that WHO now openly states it is not possible to contain the spread of this infection and recommends mitigation measures, not restricting travel or closing borders.

Read the full story

How to Recognize GM Produce in the Supermarket

Image via Wikipedia

Often the fruits and vegetables sold in the supermarket carry a sticker with a PLU code, that code doesn’t just tell the cashier how to ring up your produce it tells you how the food was grown and whether or not it was genetically modified.

Produce that has been conventionally grown consists of 4 numbers and organically grown produce has 5 numbers prefaced with the number 9.  The PLU code on produce that has been genetically modified also has five numbers but the number is prefaced with the number 8.

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Vaccine Makers Enjoy Immunity

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

I haven’t read this in its entirety, I don’t always agree with the Wall Street Journal but it was one of the few publications that recently covered the issue of vaccine injury and the liability limits of the pharmaceutical industry. There are also limits established by government when an “epidemic” is formally announced, I’ll have to do some additional digging to find that information.

Wall Street Journal,  Feb. 23, 2009

By AVERY JOHNSON

One of the little-noticed reasons that Wyeth was attractive enough to command a $68 billion price for rival Pfizer Inc.’s planned takeover sits in a building catty-corner from the White House across Pennsylvania Avenue. That is where a special “vaccines court” hears cases brought by parents who claim their children have been harmed by routine vaccinations.

The court — and the law that established it more than two decades ago — buffers Wyeth and other makers of childhood-disease vaccines from much of the litigation risk that dogs traditional pill manufacturers and is an important reason why the vaccine business has been transformed from a risky, low-profit venture in the 1970s to one of the pharmaceutical industry’s most attractive product lines today.

The legal shield, known as the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Compensation Program, was put into place in 1986 to encourage the development of vaccines, a mainstay of the nation’s public-health policy. A spate of lawsuits against vaccine makers in the 1970s and 1980s had caused dozens of companies to get out of the low-profit business, creating a public-health scare.

Read More…

How I’d Improve the American Education System

My daughter is immune deficient and has been an online high school student for about 2 years. I think the best and most cost effective solution to improving the American education system is to build a hybrid that blends the best online education has to offer in a public school setting.

Here’s how it could work:

Each student is provided a laptop computer to work off of  and they independently study digital textbooks, watch podcasts on  subjects they are studying and complete assignments, all within an online learning environment.

At first blush it doesn’t sound earth shattering but consider these net impacts:

The use of podcasting would allow the US Dept of Education (DOE) to hire the worlds best and brightest educators to deliver the curriculum because the person doesn’t need to be in each classroom to teach students. (Imagine  Stephen Hawking podcasting a high school physics course.) Such a change in the delivery of material would allow the US DOE to establish uniformity in the quality of instructors and instruction being provided to all schools EVERYWHERE regardless of the communities financial health. On site teaching staff can then focus on the students who are struggling and need additional instruction.

An education hybrid of public and online education would also allow the US DOE to offer a huge variety of courses to ALL schools everywhere regardless of who is available in that geographic location to teach. As a public school student my daughter could choose from a couple foreign languages, as an online student in rural Minnesota she studied Mandarin Chinese.

Even more important, these courses are self paced, students can move through coursework as quickly as they like or they can take the the time they need. Unlike the current industrial model of education, a 9th grader could work well above grade level while remaining grouped among his or her peers, students could even graduate early and or start college from the very same classroom environment. This would mean that the best and the brightest in our country would no longer have to wait for average learners to catch up and it can all be done within the confines of a single classroom.

Individual schools could allow rural students  the option of attending in person or online cutting the need for additional space and busing. Students with health problems, like my daughter, could still attend their local school by attending online when they are sick. School districts could eliminate the need for home-bound tutors, substitute teachers and even snow days.

Digital textbooks are cheaper to produce than standard textbooks and easier to update without mowing down a forest. They are also hyperlinked to dictionaries and wikipedia’s should students needs more information to grasp a given concept. Whereas a standard textbook might have offered a photo of an Egyptian tomb, in online schooling teachers can podcast an actual tour inside a tomb where students can pan the interior of the tomb right from their computer.

As as a parent of an online student I can log on and see the teachers grade books, I can see how my student scored on each assignment and I can see how much time she is spending studying each subject. This allows me as a parent a clearer view of daughter’s education and more importantly, her work habits.

The post-industrial model I’m suggesting also relieves the pressure on overburdened instructors and quells the issue of classroom size by allowing the human resources within our education system to concentrate on the areas they are most needed.  Even better, this model would allow the US to deliver the highest, most uniform standard of education to learners everywhere regardless of how wealthy or impoverished their community. Equal education could truly mean equal quality and an equal opportunity regardless of geography and its highly likely we’d save money doing it.

Buying a New Calendar

I’ve decided to purchase a new calendar because my old one is booked solid through July, given my propensity to be reclusive I have no idea how this happened.

In addition to my calendar issues…

After participating in the city wide garage sale,  I immediately left town for a wedding in Minneapolis only to return home to celebrate Mother’s Day… it might be faster and easier to move than to try to clean up…makes me tired just looking at it.

Confession

Image via Wikipedia

Tonight my son and I went to see Star Trek. It was definitely a film I wanted to see having grown up with a daily dose of the Starship Enterprise and I thought the movie trailer looked fantastic.

After seeing the movie I have to admit that I don’t remember the last time I was so entertained watching a film, I thought Star Trek was just great fun. The acting was very good, the casting was superb and even though the special effects were also very good, the film didn’t rely on its special effects to make it great.

Seeing Star Trek on the big screen is a must…

Live long and prosper:)

Spring Rain

The garden finally got tilled this afternoon and by the length of the nap I took afterward you would have assumed I was the one who labored over it.  As the yard serviceman tilled the very last row of my garden drops of rain dotted my face and hair as cracks of thunder rumbled across the afternoon sky. I intended to work inside of the house but was  so sleepy that I climbed the stairs to my room instead. As the rain tapped against my window Simon & Garfunkel’s Kathy’s Song played in my head until the space filled with strange dreams.

The Cat’s Sleepwear

Image via Wikipedia

My fingers are blue,  my feet are cold and so is my nose. It’s May and the area forecast says temperatures will dip below freezing tonight. Depsite the high winds and the cold air I’ve already managed to spend enough time outdoors to induce the reappearance of freckles on my nose and cheeks, wasn’t I supposed to out grow them, I don’t know, when I was 7!!!

Last weekend I participated in the city-wide garage sale, the weather turned cold and I’ve been fighting fatigue and a sore throat ever since.  I have so many things to do and I seem to require more than my share of naps lately, I’m begining to feel like the cat…actually I’m begining to behave like the cat, except his sleepwear looks warmer than mine:)

On a Beautiful Day

Image via Wikipedia

The weather is perfect today and I plan to spend most of the day outdoors. First I need a very long walk because I committed a cardinal sin and ate 4 ice cream sandwiches in 24 hours, suffice it to say  that I refused to visit the scale this morning choosing to ignore her instead. After that there is garden work that needs to be done and sheets that I want to hang outdoors to dry. I plan to accomplish all of this with my MP3 player.

As I am typing this blog post my computer is transfering 33 hours of Charles Dickens, 7.5 hours of Claire Cook, 8 hours of E. Lockhart and the final chapters of Sinclair Lewis. Titles include Little Dorrit, Wildwater Walking Club, The Disreptuble History of Frankie Landau Banks and the the last chapters of Main Street. My favorite way to spend a day…is lost in a book!

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Gecko Girl

Image by muscapix via Flickr

I spent the day indoor today because I was sick…sort of. After sleeping the weekend away feeling under the weather I woke up feeling wonderful and refreshed on Sunday and Monday so I did what I always do, I moved from dawn until dusk for both days. Normally this isn’t an issue just a fact of my existence except I’m increasingly allergic to…life, sometimes even to people if they wear a cloud of cheap perfume.

Since I felt great I dusted and vaccumed even though I’m allergic to dust…but I felt fine afterward so I gardened. I love gardening but there are a number of aspects of gardening that I’m also allergic too for this reason gardening in my universe requires 2 people.  Thankfully, my oldest son loves to garden…he thinks it Zen-like so we often garden together but he wasn’t around yesterday. I felt really good so I planted almost the entire backyard until my cheeks were sunburned.

After I finished I jumped in the shower, cleaned up and started to not feel well. My brain felt like it was swelling and no longer fit in its container. I medicated with limited success but managed to get some sleep. When I woke up I still had a slight headache, along with a voice that was too deep and gravelly to be mine and eyes that appeared to be borrowed from an iguana.

I made coffee, medicated some more and went back to my room until I was able to recognize my own voice and my head stopped hurting.

Ant Jumps off Ledge

Is it just me or is it unusual to see an ant jump off the edge of something as opposed to walking down the side of it. Any other species okay but it didn’t seem very ant like.

My son said it was probably a phenomena like Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD), leave it to Nick to dish up some  run of the mill theory. I naturally asked what CCD was and he said it was when worker bees stop working and leave hive.  I laughed…I’m still laughing… its sounds so postmodern. Of course bees are exhibiting disorders because Pfizer has a pill right?  Send them to bee therapy because they keep getting passed over for promotions.

Wiki sites among possible causes GMO’s with pest control (can’t imagine that being an issue) or cell phone radiation (really its negligible!)

But truthfully, if anyone in my house needs therapy it’s the cat, he lies.

Food Irradiation: City Pages, Let Them Eat Shit

British Court Rules on Potato Chips

Image via Wikipedia

Today a Britsh court ruled that Pringles are potato chips. I’m curious to know what Proctor & Gamble was trying to present them as.

I once attended an agriculture round table meeting hosted by the University of Minnesota, the professor was trying to promote food irradiation to a group of public school officials. In the lead up to discussing treating food with radiation he did an overview of some landmark cases in the food history. The most noteworthy was a case brought by an unnamed tomato sauce company in the 70’s or 80’s who argued that maggots didn’t constitute filth in food because they were not visible. The unnamed company of course lost but its not much different than Pringles arguing whether or not a potato chip is a potato chip…key ingredient?  I wonder how much the tomato sauce suit cost taxpayers?

Did you hear about the 150 Amish Paste tomatoes I planted? Well now you know the rest of the story.

The FDA’s 3 second rule

And That Ends the Entomology Lesson…

About a year ago my son, Ben called from his apartment in a Minneapolis suburb, he had just returned from a week of camping at an outdoor concert when he noticed a massive beetle about the length of his hand on his bag. He thought it was dead so he poked it. The beetle began vibrating, opened its massive wings and took a flying leap to his wall.

Ben was quite on the phone for a minute then said…”yeah,” in a low quiet voice, pausing again, “…all I could do was scream.” He paused, “I gave the guy down the hall beer to kill it”

Yesterday, my oldest son Nick called me over to an area of the driveway where a similarly large beetle had landed on the dogs rear end before falling to the ground. It reminded so much of the beetle Ben described that I decided to take a picture and see if it was the same bug and maybe even find out what kind of beetle it was.

As I snapped the camera the beetle vibrated, opened its wings and took a flying leap at me.  Like my son,  I screamed, so loud that all noise from activity in the neighborhood went silent including the birds and the only audible sound was Nick mumbling “…and that ends the entomology lesson.”

With or Without the Fireman’s Pole

I finished planting the garden today. The wind was so bad that it scattered tree debris all over the deck, the yard, the garden..everything. Nonetheless the plants needed to be planted so I forged ahead. Gnats were swarming my head and biting my neck and I was miserable. By the time I finished I had sand and tree debris in my hair, which was sticky because I used all natural bug repellent. It not only worked to repel bugs but I’m sure I was repellent in general. I don’t recall the last time I felt that disgusting. I’m not outdoorsy, I never do things like go camping, back to nature to me is a glass of ice tea on my back patio with a book.

Gardening is an act of love for me  because I have to work against my own inclination to be clean and comfortable. I prefer the grocery store or to have UPS deliver cases of organic Amish Paste Tomatoes from someone else’s garden but I value the end result and appreciated having produce that lasted all winter, produce I grew,  so I muck through the parts I don’t like so well.

When I came into the house I showered, dried my hair and slipped into cool comfortable sleep wear. Despite the late hour we had yet to have dinner but throwing burgers on the grill is easy and so is clean up. I considered getting dressed to use the grill but felt so blissfully clean and comfortable that I elected to cook in what I had on. The only household in the neighborhood who has or uses their outdoor living space is me, it was already getting dark and the neighbors had been indoors or gone all day. I was sure I could slip onto the deck unnoticed  because the grill is right outside the door of the mud room.

I flipped the light to the mud room on and pulled open the door only to discover that the man in the house behind me had company and there was a group of men  seated at a picnic table drinking beer at the edge of the property line.  I was holding a plate of raw burgers wearing nothing but a very short Victoria Secret nightgown with a neckline that…  It’s just an everyday lightweight knit  with spaghetti straps but it fits in such a way that I always put on a light sweater if the boys are  around..but they weren’t.

The men at the picnic table froze momentarily and so did I,  I gave them an apologetic courtesy smile right before I closed the door!

Earlier this week I took a test on Facebook to determine which literary heroine I was most like. The test likened me to Bridget Jones which I found objectionable but when I returned to the house I realized that in some respects the test was probably more right than I cared to admit.

Bill Moyers and Dr. Sidney Wolfe on Health Care Reform

Washington’s abuzz about health care, but why isn’t a single-payer plan an option on the table? Public Citizen’s Dr. Sidney Wolfe and Physicians for a National Health Program’s Dr. David Himmelstein on the political and logistical feasibility of health care reform.

Bill Moyers Journal

The Flu?

I woke up this morning and staggered into my amoire, I think that’s what you call it but not how you spell it, anyway I was so unbalanced I had to stop on the stairs. I was much better lying down and I got somewhat better as the day progressed.

I’ve spent so much time worrying about Alexa’s missing immune system that I completely forgot that I have a very serious underlying lung condition. Better take my temp…

Random Thoughts

Random thought 1)

I’m recovering today, I thought I looked like shit but my color is coming back so I’m upgraded to looking like crap:)

Random thought 2)

God made boobs so fast food wouldn’t land on our lap while we’re driving…good thing I was wearing a Rolling Stones t-shirt the mayonnaise nearly landed on the tongue…I hope it comes out, I love that t-shirt.

Random thought 3)

All fiction writing days are the best days!

Wisecracks

I went shopping yesterday and decided it was too early for me to have taken on such an activity. I got half way through shopping and everything felt surreal,  fuzzy and I felt bit feverish.

Throughout the day I kept attempting tasks unsuccessfully then I slept about 16 hours, lost about 3 lbs over 3 days and today I have a headache. It’s like getting off a plane at Heathrow…

During one of my naps the phone rang, it was friends who got no answer knocking on my door…so they called from my driveway. I woke up, invited them in at their own risk and made tea. They teased me because I was wearing flannel sleep pants and they read my previous blog post where I was caught on my patio in racier sleepwear just days before and they felt ripped off.

Wisecracks.

I always forget that friends and family keep track of whats happening in my life by reading my blog.  This is a stupid post…

The Last Day of School

Yesterday was Alexa’s last day of school. It was a bittersweet day that Alexa both looked forward to and dreaded.

When Alexa’s Dad died 2 years ago she wrote and read a tribute at his funeral, a good-bye letter if you will. In her letter she said that she feared the big days ahead, like graduation and someday getting married. She said that the milestones in her life would be marked by his absence.

Alexa made it clear to me that she would not walk in a graduation ceremony afraid she’d be reduced to tears and throughout her last year of high school I wondered if she’d graduate at all. She struggled with chronic illness related immune deficiency and she grieved over lost health and a lost father. Her grades fell.

Her greif counselor told me not to push her and sometimes I didn’t, and sometimes I did. I knew if Alexa didn’t graduate that she was still an able, capable girl, even more important Alexa knows she’s an able capable girl. But I was afraid if she gave up on graduation that it would give her more of a reason to give up on life. Alexa and I discussed our terms, she agreed to follow through with earning the credit needed to graduate and only said, “just stay with me,” and so I did.

Finishing class yesterday reminded her that she couldn’t call her Dad to say, ” I did it Dad,” but she imagined what he might  have said and how proud of her he would have been.

After her online classes ended at noon we loaded into the car and left for the suburbs of Minneapolis. Nick had a new car to pick up and Alexa and I made plans to visit Cookie Strange at Great Clips in Champlin.

Cookie is one of my closest friends, daughter. I’ve known Cookie ever since she was born and her Mother named her Emily…which she later changed to Cookie. Cookie works magic on hair and I will follow her to the end of the earth because she makes my hair fabulous.

The last time I got my haircut I had it done locally, it is viewable in all of my online photos. The cut was alright but it wasn’t the kind of cut that you could blow dry and go and it didn’t fare well on windy days in the garden. I need hair that you can seriously mess up and I prefer an modern edge because age appropriate just sucks,  as always Cookie delivered.

When Alexa and I finished getting our hair cut we went to Totally Tan. As Alexa’s health has worsened her skin color has become very light but her hair is dark. During the summer she frequently hides in jeans feeling like her legs glow white. She also burns easily so I agreed to take her to a place that offers a full body spray tan.

After I paid for Alexa’s tan, Alexa looked at me and said…”Aren’t you going to go?” I hesitated, I have  to attend a birthday party and a wedding today…but thought I could use some color. After asking a pile of questions I decided to try it. The experience was absolutely dreadful, it so cold it almost took my breath away and I forgot to use the shower cap so I stepped out once again feeling like Bridget Jones.

On the drive home Alexa and I talked about her Dad, upcoming graduation parties, what to wear to the wedding and we started to turn a warm brown …maybe not so bad. By this morning I staggered to the kitchen for coffee on gingerbread colored legs and thought; definitely not bad.

Body Image

Last weekend I spent Saturday and Sunday bouncing from party to party until I returned home at about 8 P.M. Sunday night. One party was a wedding, the other a birthday and the other party was a graduation. What was unusual was that at all parties I saw people I hadn’t seen in over a decade and in the decade that has passed I’m not just over 10 years older I am also larger than I’ve ever been in my whole life.

To put that into perspective consider this, my top weight 9 mo pregnant was 113 and each time I had a baby the nurses would have to trot off to the pediatric ward for a blood pressure cuff small enough to fit my arm.

In the past five years I’ve gone up 3 to 4 dress sizes which is a huge change in body mass, except I started out with a body like Keira Knightly.so its difficult to imagine what that means except that I’m finally a more standard size.

When my weight increased to 128 I slammed on the brakes, changed my diet and started exercising regularly. By only making those changes I lost 15 lbs in a matter of months except I still feel like I weigh more than I should.

A few months ago I saw Valerie Bertenelli splashed on the cover of People and I thought she looked good. Then it occured to me that we were both about the same age and about the same height but I weighed 15lbs less than she did… and I wondered why I feel …bigger. Then, over the weekend at one of the parties,  I  had my picture taken with 2 other women, they were small and I admired their youth and their wispy, petite figures and remembered being younger and  thinner.

When I saw this picture, the sound in my head was a confused Scooby-Do-like noise because the picture didn’t match the image in my mind of what we looked like together because I’m disproportionately bigger, right? Can you tell which one is me? If you guessed the one in the middle, you guessed right.

I realize I’ve only been wearing this curvier shape for 5 years so its newer to me than the thin one I wore for decades into my late 30’s. But even after 5 years in this new figure, I can’t seem to stabilize a realistic image of my own body and I keep imagining myself substantially larger than I actually am.

Maybe my middle-aged body confusion will lessens with time, or maybe  my body image will just remain stuck somewhere it doesn’t belong but one thing is for certain, I have absolutely no concept of what I look like.

New Moon 2009, Twilight Series Trailer

For all you Twilight fans…

The Education of an American Dreamer

Kurt Vonnegut once told a story about seeing Joseph Heller at a wealthy hedge-fund manager’s party at a beach house in the Hamptons. Casting his eye around the luxurious setting, Vonnegut said, “Joe, doesn’t it bother you that this guy makes more in a day than you ever made from Catch-22?” “No, not really,” Heller said. “I have something that he doesn’t have: I know the meaning of enough.” I have far more than enough.

Excerpt from Newsweek